Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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