how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize