Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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