areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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