White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
