someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
