I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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