It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
