i think i have two assholes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
