My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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