Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
