Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
