so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
