I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
