woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
