Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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