Just fell off a train. Bad.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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