i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
