Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
