i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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