at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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