There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize