So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
