yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
