sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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