so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
time to smoke my breakfast
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
