so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
