Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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