Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
