I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
