I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
