sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let's get the cat blown out
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
