Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
