She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
