You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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