He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
