I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I only lived at night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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