Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
