I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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