My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
