He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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