just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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