you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
