i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
