So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
