I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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