we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize