angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize