How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
