grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
