I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
