it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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