My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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