The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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