I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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