Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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