If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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