He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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