when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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