Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
