He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
