In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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