ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
