I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
