i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
