Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize