Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize