OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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