That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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